My Birthday Present To Y’All :)

Sun rises over 6th Street next to McArthur Park

Most people want someone else to give them a present on their birthday, but I am the opposite. After all, I am celebrating — it’s me that should share, not the other way round, right? This is my way :)

So I am going to share with you my life story, just a part of it anyway, for all of it is impossible to encompass even in a multi-volume book. So much has happened spiritually that I’ll be happy to write about it for the rest of my life. It’s going to take a long time to even make sense of it all anyway. That much I can feel.

When I was a youngster, about 7 years old, I was put into spiritual service. That’s right, I was already ‘enlightened’ by then, like all of us are, except I never lost it and I had already been put on the path of love and gained the ultimate by the time I was around 6 years old. How do I know this? I know.

My whole life since that moment was total absorption in the silence of the beyond. While people have thoughts, feelings, opinions, prejudices and so on, my inner world was entirely silent — absolutely no activity whatsoever. And so the world was beautiful in my view, because every single thing was silent. Or so I thought! Wherever I looked, I saw beauty in life, in the plants, in the trees, in the butterflies, in the water shimmering in the sun. And the sun and the sky! The sky became my favorite place, for on Earth, it is the closest thing to Heaven. So I fell in love with space stuff, you know, rockets, space documentaries — anywhere I could get a glimpse of ‘home’.

I went about my life in Divine Surrender, although I didn’t know what to say to people who wanted to know why I behaved in such a strange fashion — keeping to myself, being quiet, doing things no one else did at that age, like walking around in total silence, observing all the women on the streets and so on. But this was my way. I was made to serve the feminine on this planet, so that I could learn all Her ways, all the ways in which Her daughters had corrupted themselves, become inappropriate, unlovable, uncouth, unfriendly, unkempt, insolent, disobedient, arrogant, complacent, lazy and above all, stupid.

So She (the Divine Feminine, or Holy Spirit) commanded me to go this way and that way, perform all kinds of strange stuff on women in order to force them to give up their poisons so I could consume them, and learn what they had been poisoned with, how to get rid of it, how to stay clear of such women, how to be safe from men who had no good intentions — everything a woman should know to be happy, loved and safe on Earth. I did this for 33 years, non-stop.

During this time, I had many crazy shifts in perception that caused me to see life in so many different ways that I can’t even recant all of them. But what also was strange was that I kept ‘falling apart’ and being ‘put back together’. Whenever this happened, I had a whole new personality, style of clothing, place of living, choice of food, work environment, even beliefs, opinions, etc., that I ‘spouted’ without actually believing in any of them! It was as if the Holy Spirit was constantly crucifying me, resurrecting me, putting me back in service in a whole different manner and giving me the way I must confront human beings in my life so that they would give up their new poisons. It was uncomfortable to say the least, but it also wrecked me emotionally and physically.

I suffered so many ailments I can’t tell you about all of them — everything from anxiety, depression, arrythmia, hypertension, obesity, asthma, food intolerances, allergies, apnea, arthritis, lung issues, demyelination of the nerves (almost getting to Multiple Sclerosis!), Scoliosis, muscle fatigue issues, dehydration, insomnia, lack of clarity, mood swings — you name it, I’ve had it. I’ve even had fainting spells, nose bleeds, accidents, encounters with criminals, nearly getting stabbed, many times robbed, followed, threatened, detained (by immigration on I-10 — they thought I was illegal!), denied services, refused meals, thrown out of restaurants and stores just for asking a question — really weird stuff.

But this is what happens when you carry inordinate amounts of karma, yours or others’.

Now I know many say ‘only Jesus can carry others’ karma’. Nope, I have, Sadhguru does, Gurumayi has and many saints do. They’ve been doing it well before Jesus arrived and we’ll continue for a long time. You’re just living in a hole of ignorance, that’s all. And you don’t have even a shred of understanding about spiritual life. Which is why I wrote this blog, to help you see that there’s more to life than what you may have understood is possible to experience.

When my spiritual service ‘ended’, I was in the New Mexico desert, blown away by a sunset I’d never seen the likes of before, or since! It’s incredible how beautiful I felt that day, but now my feelings are even more beautiful, well beyond that day’s experiences. I recovered from my service over a period of 7.5 years, during which time a woman came into my life and took care of me, until she too, fell apart thanks to my relentless love, my refusal to provide comfort or anything else besides love itself. This depleted me thoroughly and I fell apart, once again.

The day she left, because she could no longer stand the way I had become, I was in my lowest state. It took me three days to start walking on my own. Like I snake I crawled around on the floor, barely able to pick myself up. I slept for 20 hours a day sometimes, waking only to eat if I could, then going back to sleep. I had so little energy I had to sleep next to a fire even during the day, just to stay alive. And I ate gobs and gobs and gobs of spicy, fiery foods just to get through a single, 15 minute conference call at the job I was still responsible for at the time. And then, all of it crashed.

I was commanded by the Divine Feminine to hit the road, when COVID-19 started. For a year I traveled non-stop, by car, motorcycle, bus, train, bicycle, foot, taxi, etc. I spoke to hundreds and hundreds of young women, primarily in the service industry. I consumed their poison by the boatload and worked it out with severe discomfort, swimming in freezing waters, walking on hot sands, starving, thirsty, in pain and suffering for weeks on end. Ultimately, it all came to a crashing end on a cliff in the Verdugo Mountains, where the motorcycle I was riding had a brake issue and I went straight into the face of a rock canyon at 55 miles an hour.

I was a wreck, the bike was a mess. I survived, the bike didn’t.

Everything was different after that day.

Happiness grew, life came back to me faster and faster after every encounter with stupid people on the streets, and I finally felt ‘dead’, as if I’d arrived in Heaven. Hallelujah! I was 7 years old again.

Now the time has come to reveal myself.

I know how many of you have been wondering what the hell is going on with this man, why he’s like this and that. Now you understand, or you don’t. It doesn’t matter :) Your life is equally magical — you just haven’t paid attention to it at the level of detail at which I have, with the intensity I have, with the interest I have and you certainly haven’t loved every moment of it.

So what happens next? I don’t know. I haven’t ever had knowledge, only love. Even the insights and wisdom I write are all ‘given’ to me by the Divine Feminine.

I just write down whatever She says I must.

Stay young and beautiful!




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