Pain

I’ve written a bit about pain before, but never in-depth, because pain has so many dimensions of usefulness that it’s impossible to encompass it all into a single post and call it done. My experience of life has been incredibly difficult, painful at times to the point where I was unable to even see my way forward in life. Now being unable to see our way forward isn’t really unusual in our civilization. Most human beings will experience this at some point or another, as well as pain in the body, soul, or beyond at some point. So the question is, why does pain even exist? Why hasn’t this intelligent creation we call ‘the universe’ worked out all the pain already and arrived at a place where all of us could live without any pain whatsoever?

Because we can’t live without pain!

Basically, pain is a condition where life is unable to move forward in some fashion. That’s all it is — not some strange condition where the body is sick. We experience pain when things aren’t going well, for example, or if the body has been recovering from an accident and isn’t able to ‘move forward’ because, well, it’s disabled and needs to recover. Once the body’s pain is healed, it moves forward, albeit slowly at first, and then faster and faster, until it meets an obstacle and falls apart once again. Once again, the body must find it’s way forward by looking for a ‘solution’ to the ‘problem’ of pain. At least, this is what the mind believes is going on.

As I’ve written before, there is no such thing as ‘mind’ — it is literally a figment of the body’s imagination. The whole body is intelligent, ‘thinks’ it’s way through situations and acts and so on. We don’t need a separate entity known as ‘mind’ in order for us to experience things. The problem with narratives is that they work linearly, so the nature of life is nearly impossible to describe in words. For example, in the previous post, I talked about how the ‘mind’ falls apart during the spiritual journey and is replaced with the body filled with light, essentially. It’s not as if there is a separate entity called ‘the mind’ that’s being ‘destroyed’, but that the sense we call ‘mind’ is being remade.

Whenever this sense encounters a ‘problem’, it decides to wait and see if the ‘problem’ will go away. This is the normal state of affairs, actually. Case in point: waves in an ocean. Waves in an ocean often encounter rocks on the sea shore, near the coast, for example. When this happens, the waves don’t seem to change their course, do they? They simply hit the rock, break up, regroup and try again. I don’t even know if waves ‘try’, but it’s just that they keep doing what they do instead of trying to find a way around the rock. If there is in fact space available, the waves will eventually make their way round, but it’s not as if they are ‘held up’ trying to solve the ‘problem’ of the rock. They’re being themselves, and when the rock is dissolved (eroded), it gives way and the waves continue as they would have had the rock not been there.

This happens in rivers, streams, brooks, waterfalls and other kinds of water as well — they simply move forward, encounter obstacles, wait for these obstacles to dissolve and continue as if nothing happened. It is only human beings that see rocks in a stream of water and call them ‘problems’. Why do we do this? Because we all want to be in the ocean :) That’s what happens when people come down to Earth — they realize that the ocean isn’t here — it’s in ‘Heaven’, so to speak, meaning that the ultimate goal — dissolution — is somewhere else in existence. It isn’t on Earth.

It’s like we are all on a journey to go home, back to the place we all came from, but on Earth, we aren’t ready to do that yet. Some of us go home and come down to Earth on a regular basis, but most people stay on Earth for a lifetime or more, and then find themselves ‘stuck’, basically. This is what ‘karma’ does — it makes you feel like you’re ‘stuck’. And when you’re stuck, you feel the need to figure out ‘why’ you’re stuck, ‘solve’ the ‘problem’ and move forward. I was working in Corporate America a while back and all the people in the company were busy on one and only one thing: finding problems, and then solving problems. In fact, when we ran out of problems, we went to customers and spoke to them in order to ‘find’ problems. Whatever they said could potentially be seen as a ‘problem’ to solve, for customers of course.

At least that was the narrative, but the truth is that we were only solving our own issues by creating and solving them. It’s just that we didn’t need to create any issues of our own. We could have simply done whatever we really wanted to do — create something beautiful. But instead, we went searching for a ‘problem’ to solve, and as soon as we did — we found lots and lots of problems to solve — endless number of problems, in fact! Society has decided to give up on trying to eliminate problems, actually, and has decided that it is best we constantly find new problems and solve them.

Case in point: The Black Lives Matter movement. Just this morning I read a piece of news calling into question their use of some funds that were given to them. As I read the news article, I sensed a distinct intent within the narrative that seemed to suggest that the human beings involved wanted to ‘hide’ something from the world (as if that’s actually possible). Now I don’t know for what reason they believed they needed to do what they did, or try to ‘hide’ it. But essentially, the whole news article read like it was describing a series of problems that this particular sub-group within the movement had come up with and tried to solve them using various means, essentially creating a very complicated situation. Instead, everyone could have carried out their business ‘transparently’ and been alright. Perhaps.

Why perhaps? Because the world today is such that someone or the other has a ‘problem’ with everything that’s going on. And they wish that someone else solve them. So people are often afraid to be fully transparent.

As I was riding to North Hollywood today, I encountered a woman on the train that was screaming her head off, blaming everyone else for taking her life away and leaving her in the state she was in. I’ve encountered many people in Los Angeles like this, and they are in severe pain. I actually know how severe pain can be — and I am not sure even I have seen the end of it — but the thing is, I go quiet when the pain becomes really difficult to handle. For whatever reason I am unable to speak when there’s a lot of pain in my body, as I am experiencing at the moment while writing this post.

Let me describe to you an experience I’ve had in the past that will help you understand how much pain I’ve had to carry in the past, as well as nowadays.

It was Christmas, and I was sitting all by myself next to a beautifully decorated Christmas tree. Everyone else I knew was in a different place presumably getting together and asking about each other’s lives and such, while I had decided to come back and spend time alone. I had started to feel ‘unwell’, so I decided to go home. As I sat next to this Christmas tree, I felt a distinct sense of unease come over me. It was uncomfortable at first, but it started to get really intense and then it spread like wildfire throughout my body. I sat, unable to say a word, as I was exhausted on top of being weak at the time as well as in pain. Slowly, the pain started to ramp up, but it wasn’t the kind of pain I’ve experienced when I’ve taken a fall, for example, but a kind of ‘tearing apart’.

The analogy I’ve always gravitated to when describing this pain is that it feels like every cell in my body is being torn apart as if it’s a piece of bread being pulled apart with both hands. If you’ve ever paid attention to a piece of bread and how it’s ‘cells’ tend to get pulled apart, that’s about what it felt like was happening inside me. I had absolutely no say over the matter. All I could do was sit there and take it. Funnily enough, that’s exactly how I am feeling at the moment, but it’s somehow ‘ok’, in the sense that I am able to ‘handle it’, and continue to write as if nothing ‘bad’ is happening, at least on the surface. Inside, I am in deep distress, but on the outside, even I don’t know what I could say or do besides keep working.

I am now feeling the pain lifting suddenly — it’s as if I needed this experience in order to share what had come before. I tend to write based on the present, so I can’t really write much about the past unless it ‘recurs’ in the present in a physical fashion, so to speak. My pain right now was localized in the body, at least that’s how I felt. In the past, I remember the pain being way deeper in my soul or something like that. It was definitely not focused at the bodily level. So why have pain at all? Why not live without pain?

We are all called to make sacrifices in this life, because it is sacrifice that actually helps us move forward, not ‘compromise’. A ‘compromise’ is when you decide that you’ll be ‘ok’ with a substitute, or something lesser than what you really loved. For example, if you wanted a motorcycle of a certain kind, but you were provided with a motorcycle of a slightly different kind, you say you’ve had to ‘compromise’ — you didn’t really get what you thought you wanted.

But a sacrifice means that you’ve already decided you don’t need whatever it is that was being ‘promised’ to you — eternal life, for example. Jesus did that when He came down to Earth — He sacrificed Himself in order to be well and truly released from the pain of having to be on Earth in the first place, not by committing suicide (which doesn’t work), but by allowing life to basically take His wherewithal — His ‘will’ — away from Him and putting Him through a series of nasty experiences that others could learn from. Everyone is intent on claiming that Jesus was some weirdo that came down from the Heavens and saved everyone, but the reality is that He did come from Heavens, became a human being and was then transformed back into someone that could carry out the work He did, before being allowed to go home.

Which is why none of you are interested in pursuing His way, because His way is one of sacrifice, not comfort, security, prosperity, sex, drugs and rock and roll! We are all meant to go through this path actually, not just Jesus, but it’s just that none of you are willing, so I am going through it for you — at least those of you who come to me seeking love.

Today, I was expecting to meet a woman who wanted to speak to me about her way forward and see if we could partner together on this journey, but she never showed up. I am quite used to this by now — most women don’t have what it takes to really commit to something and show up when it matters. But what she did do, was speak to me on the phone and pour her heart out. When she did, it was clear to me that she wanted love, but exactly what she wanted she did not understand. I consumed as much of her poison as I could as she ‘hung out’ on the phone with me, as we spoke about love, surrender, Christ, life and so on. It was intense, for a first conversation, but all of my interactions with human beings are intense — not ‘casual’.

As I sat in the sun experiencing the pain that I had carried on her behalf, that same feeling of being ‘torn apart’ came over me, except I felt it much more in my stomach this time. When this happens, most people call it ‘hunger’. And they give in to the feeling, i.e. they ‘solve’ the ‘problem’ of ‘hunger’ by eating something. And they do so not by eating something ‘fun’ —a little bit of poison, in other words — but by eating lots and lots of poison. Why have poison? If you’ve read my post on fun, you know what poison does — it allows the body to respond to the poison by kicking it out — taking the ‘problem’ with it. That’s how the body functions. In other words, if you’re experiencing pain, all you need is a tiny bit of poison so that the body can throw out the pain and the poison with it. Instead, most people pile on the poison, comforting themselves in the process, basically. When this happens, the pain in the body never leaves. They get sicker and sicker.

Working out is the only way to solve the problem of ‘hunger’ in the body — as it is nourished by the world around us in so many ways we are unaware of, that we don’t really need to eat, or eat as much as we do anyway. We could eat what we really love, bits of it, be satisfied and live a happy life. Instead, we love to eat gobs and gobs of garbage. Now if you’re carrying a heavy load, granted, you need a lot of energy, meaning you must eat a lot of food — but if you’re carrying a heavy load, you must be really working it out as well! You can’t carry a heavy load without becoming fit, in other words. This is why people who tend to do lots of spiritual sadhana (practice) on themselves (not on others) tend to be rail thin. They’re literally the foundations of the body becoming visible — nothing ‘extra’. But if you’re in spiritual service, you cannot be this way, at least as long as you’re serving spiritually. This is what has happened to me.

As long as I was in spiritual service, I was fat! And as soon as it ended, the weight started to come off — more and more. It’s not like I woke up as if I’d had a ‘liposuction’, but what I am saying is that the weight started to drop off, my body started to change, and become very strong in places I hadn’t ever experienced power before. Once the spiritual service ended, physicality took over — and started to take some pain instead of the spirit. This is the body’s way of creating a very strong foundation for a good life — accept pain, work it out and grow stronger and stronger.

This is why I keep saying that sex is the best workout for a woman, as she needs to ‘work out’ all the aspects of her being that aren’t being addressed by simply going to work and serving in whatever fashion she does. All she is doing by that kind of lifestyle is taking on more and more pain, but never actually working it out. This leads to a lot of issues among women. It’s extremely unhealthy.

While I am not exactly ‘pleased’ with the situation I find myself often, where women either fail to show up, or they show up and can’t be there fully, or leave half-way so that they can ‘take care of’ something else that needs their attention, this is how sick humanity is nowadays. Priorities have become warped, where women want love, but not explicitly, or they can’t stand what it does to them — reveal their sicknesses to themselves. But that’s what shining a light on any ‘problem’ does — it shows you that it’s there — and that you must be willing to get ‘through’ it.

But how do you get ‘through’ a solid obstacle? By becoming nothing.

Only a ‘nothing’ can get through ‘something’. Whenever you’re struggling with ‘problems’, know that what you’re actually struggling with is your inability to become ‘zero’ — a nobody. If you were a nobody, you wouldn’t worry about what it is you must do, or not do — you’d just do it. It is this that everyone is hoping to get to — a state of ‘absolute zero’, where nothing fazes them, no problem is ‘difficult’ and nothing is ‘painful’.

However, the ‘problem’ with being a zero, is that you’re put back in service, so that you can help others become zeros as well, which is why people like me tend to take on other people’s issues, work them out in our own lives and experience a dramatic amount of pain! On top of that, being a zero makes you very sensitive, so you experience an elevated level of pain compared to everyone else — consciously! All of you know this actually, which is why you refuse to step up and take a step forward towards love.

Accept your pain — there’s no way out of it. I do — even though I often don’t have any clue why the hell I am in so much pain, and often have zero recourse to any ‘solutions’, besides just waiting it out.

That’s the only way to true surrender.

Stay young and beautiful!

-Shashi

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