Truth

When I had my motorcycle accident, everything suddenly changed.

I’ve written about my spiritual healing that began in the desert, when I was overwhelmed with happiness and in a state of bliss for weeks. After I came back from the desert, I’d been slowly transforming over the last 7.5 years or so, but the changes were somewhat gradual. I slowly started to change how I saw life, how I perceived everything and how I viewed the meaning of life itself. The truth is that all of these ideas that you see me writing about aren’t something I suddenly came up with. They’ve been mine for as long as I’ve been in existence, but it’s just that while I was serving, I was kept ‘concealed’, so that no one would know who I was and what I was really up to. So I mostly didn’t speak. Besides, everything was going wrong with me so I wasn’t ever confident that whatever I knew to be the truth was true anymore.

The level of skepticism I have is such that I don’t even believe that love is going to be around forever. I am open to life become something else entirely, going along with it and allowing people to come to terms with the fact that I’ve changed, or not. It’s really irrelevant to me — I move with life. What anyone else experiences is of no consequence to me.

Growing up, while everyone thought I was just like everyone else (actually I don’t think any of my friends and loved ones thought I was ‘normal’, but still), they just assumed I was ‘going through stuff’, that I needed time, girlfriends, marriage, job, whatever. They kept thinking that someday I would ‘realize’ something and suddenly become like everyone else.

For example, when I was a youngster, everyone said I needed to be a teenager to understand. Then, they said I needed to grow up to be a young man to understand. Then, they said I needed to be an adult, that I needed to be around 30, around 40, etc. But you what all these were?

Excuses people give themselves for not growing up.

I know lots of people like this today — they come up with one reason or another to ‘delay’ what they know must happen: they must give up all their family members, friends, loved ones, possessions, career, money, status, power, control, happiness — everything — in order to go home. There’s really no other way. Christ doesn’t make this happen ‘suddenly’, but slowly so that the rest of you may be sufficiently horrified by life and perhaps decide to finally get on the spiritual path. These are narratives, of course. Christ knows what Christ does, and He doesn’t need a ‘reason’, unlike the rest of you idiots that constantly want to know the who, what, when, where and why of everything.

So does Christ work using fear? No, he’s working using love, but it’s like this: divinity is ok with being dissolved in Christ, humanity is ok with death, while the animal fights everything in it’s way. It is the animal that feels fear when love is coming at it. Funnily enough though, I’ve met more dogs in Los Angeles that greet me with happiness than human beings. Makes sense — after all, the dogs are working out their karma relentlessly, however enslaved they might be, while the human beings holding them by the leash are cowering in fright, hoping to cheat death itself.

So throughout my spiritual service I was kept hidden in plain sight. Even today, as I write this in Los Angeles’ cafés and so on, no one knows who I am and I like that. It’s better to work in secret, so why am I revealing myself then, through all these writings?

Because you won’t believe me anyway :)

This is the state of humanity nowadays — that I could literally talk to them about who I am and say things no one else can except love itself and they’ll still wonder if I am deranged. It’s a nice place to live in some ways, because it means I can be free with the truth and still remain totally obscure.

So does this mean almost no one talks to me? Yes, it does! Isn’t that beautiful? Who the hell wants to be barraged by requests from a million people? That’s the kind of experience young women have on the streets, online and everywhere. They’re constantly being hit on, harassed, harangued, taken advantage of (mostly spiritually), targeted with advertising and so on. Me? No one sells me jack shit, because I don’t need it, and it’s crystal clear. Once in a while a rare homeless guy approaches me and asks me if I want drugs, probably because I look high all the time, walking along as if I am in no rush whatsoever. Only stoned people walk like me in Los Angeles, with a smile on their faces.

It’s good to be poor, at least in appearance, because the world believes you’ve got nothing to share, when you’ve got so much love it could fulfill every human being on Earth. Wealthy people often go to great lengths to hide their wealth, ‘dressing down’, driving cheap cars, not living in big mansions and so on. Me? My wealth is love — the more you take, the more I get to share. It cannot be stolen, depleted, consumed, destroyed, etc. My wealth is absolutely 100% safe within me. And If am killed, well someone else gets to do the work I’ve been tasked to do. Have fun with that. It’s not easy :)

Then why did things change suddenly after my motorcycle accident? Simple — all it really did was take away my pain, nothing more. All of my karma had dissolved by the time I was done with the desert, so I was simply giving up the karma I’d been taking on since then. It was still quite a bit of pain that I had consumed while working in the world, even though I was healing. So I had to give it up. The accident took care of it all.

I didn’t write a single word about spirituality from the point of view I am writing now until the motorcycle accident. I had expressed myself, but it was ‘someone else’s’ point of view, not mine. It’s strange, but it’s true. So now I write from the point of view of Christ itself. He’s so impersonal! He doesn’t really care about life actually, only love. Wherever He sees life, He just wants to pour love into it and dissolve it. Meaning He’s basically death incarnate! This is why everyone’s afraid of love.

Love is death incarnate.

The truth is that you have to die if you want to live. There is no other way. I have died 7 times in this one lifetime, of course. But each time, something resurrected me. Yes, I am a living example of the resurrection. But you won’t believe me :)

After all, if you cut me you’ll see blood pour out. If you shoot me you’ll see me collapse and die. If you keep me starving I’ll eventually fall apart. And so on and so forth. There’s nothing magical about this body in that sense. It’s like everyone else’s body — it’s just that I know how much it’s gone through and survived. It’s impossible.

Then what was all that junk about Jesus rising to Heaven after the resurrection and leaving? God knows.

Are you disappointed? Were you hoping I’ll ‘clear it up’ once and for all?

Do you know how many saints have written and spoken about being able to read the past, present and future, appear and disappear at will, survive for thousands of years on Earth, teleport, travel to astral dimensions, speak to Gods and Goddesses, walk on water, turn water into wine, etc.?

You don’t believe them, do you? So why bother?

The truth is that you’ll never understand something until you’ve experienced it. And once you’ve experienced it, you’ll still never understand. You’ll accept it as the magic of life and be happy. That’s all.

Stay young and beautiful!

-Shashi